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  Copyright © 2018 H.Q. Frost

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  "Baby! Come on!" Lilith called out from the bedroom.

  "Does she live here?" Darcie, Lilith's mother, asked looking past Ian into the house.

  "Yeah…no."

  "Ian, where are you?" Lilith headed from the bedroom in only her robe. "It's cold." The breeze from the open front door traveled all the way to the living room. "Ian?" Seeing him at the front door, her eyes drifted just past him and she froze.

  "Lilith." Her name laughed from Darcie before a sob broke free. "Oh, Lilith!"

  Ian looked back to see Lilith was stone, and when Darcie tried to step into the house, he stopped her. "You can't just show up in her life out of nowhere." He looked back at Lilith who was still in a daze. "You blew the chance to be in her life."

  Darcie trembled as she sobbed. "Lilith, please!"

  With a glance behind her, the thought to bolt to her bedroom was foiled when her legs started taking her toward the door. She reached Ian and stopped.

  "Baby, you don't have to—"

  "Give me a minute," she interrupted him.

  The look on Ian's face as he glanced at her mother was apparent that Darcie wasn't welcome.

  "I'm okay."

  After a slight push from her, he bent down and kissed her head before disappearing around the corner.

  "I've looked for you for a long time." Darcie

  cried.

  "I've lived in the same house since you left me. You

  know where that house is." Though her tone was vindictive, she was surprisingly calm.

  "They wouldn't let me see you. I tried. I'm sorry." She reached a shaking hand toward Lilith, causing her to step back. "I'm so sorry."

  Silence sat between the women. Darcie stared on with tears rolling from her eyes while Lilith's face depicted hate.

  "You look exactly like me," Darcie noted in a shaky tone.

  Appearing bored, Lilith leaned her head on the door. "My dad's dead." Out of the million times she imagined it, that wasn't how Lilith had pictured meeting her mother again.

  "I know, honey, I'm sorry." Darcie tried to touch her again but Lilith stepped away.

  "You killed him." Her tone became impassively calm.

  "Lilith." Darcie sobbed into her hands.

  Lilith's gaze drifted to the wedding ring on her finger. "I only have one question. Was it me you didn't want?"

  "No! I was…" She looked to the ground like the answer was there. "So confused," she finally said. "Hurting and confused." Her tired gaze met Lilith's. "Your father hurt me."

  "Did I hurt you?" Lilith snickered.

  "No," she said weakly while shaking her head. "I was too confused to give you a good life."

  "So you decided to start over like you can just start from scratch with families? You going to do that to your family now? You going to leave those boys with their father too? Start again in a few years?"

  "Lilith." Moving swiftly she was finally able to grab her. "I'm so sorry." She sobbed and threw her arms around her. Letting the woman embrace her, Lilith kept her arms folded tightly to her chest. "I hurt you so much. I never wanted to hurt you or your dad but it was all so bad."

  "You didn't hurt me, you spared me."

  Darcie squeezed her tighter. "I'm so sorry."

  "I don't have anything to say to you." Lilith stared

  out the door at the blizzard-like conditions that seemed to be taking residence inside her as well.

  "You've done well for yourself?" Sniffling, she released Lilith from the pathetic hug.

  "Very."

  "That man, he's your husband?"

  "Yes." Staring at her was nothing like staring at the reflection in the mirror.

  "Do you have children?"

  Lilith let out an annoyed laugh. "God no. You've ruined that for me."

  Darcie bit her lip, subduing a painful cry. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I think about you all the time." Hoping for a reaction, she waited a moment before adding, "I love you, Lilith, with all my heart."

  "You have no heart."

  The sobs started again. "I know you hate me. I don't blame you, but if you

  could give me another chance." The hopeful eyes that met Lilith's almost made

  her cringe.

  "Another chance?" she snickered. "At being a mother? Are you kidding?" She began to laugh. "You get one chance to be a mother and you let it be known you do not want to be my mother."

  "Please." Darcie tried to touch her again, but Lilith flinched back.

  "Get off my porch. I want nothing to do with you. I've made it this far without you. I feel sorry for those boys. Do they know how much of a monster you are?" Her repulsed scowl pierced Darcie's heart. "I will file a restraining order. Get off my porch." She pushed the door closed and Darcie had to jump back not to get hit.

  Taking in a deep breath Lilith leaned against the door, coming back to planet earth. Her shaking hand locked the bolt and a quiet sob had her putting her hand to her face. Ian heard her quietly make the gasp she made when she was crying and he hurried down the hall. Grabbing her, he pulled her to him and she wrapped her arms around him, letting out a painful sob that shook her entire body.

  Picking her up, he carried her to the bedroom. He held her tightly, laying down while she cried in his arms. When she calmed, he stroked her hair, kissing her eyebrow.

  There was only one thing he knew was a guarantee to make her happy again. "Justin's leaving the hospital tomorrow."

  "He is?" Red, puffy eyes met his gaze.

  "He called while you were in the bathroom. He's been trying to call your phone but it's dead."

  Silence filled the room again while she was in contemplative thought.

  "I never thought in a million years that would be how I would act toward her," she softly said. "I pictured that moment so many times. It was so different."

  "Do you think you made the right decision?" he carefully asked.

  "I don't want her in our life, Ian."

  He pulled her close, kissing her forehead. "What can I do, baby?"

  With a wary look on her face she softly asked, "Can we go to the hospital?"

  "We? You want me to come?" That wasn't the idea he had.

  "I need you both right now, Ian."

  Still holding her, he stared into her sad eyes; her running nose, all of it made him weak; too weak to say no.

  Ian slowly dressed, dreading being there when she expressed her need for Justin.

  In a daze, Lilith held his hand tightly while he drove to the hospital. They remained silent but he held her in the elevator, kissing her head when the doors opened. Keeping a few steps behind, he followed her down the hall, not wanting to see the moment when she went to Justin and hugged him, possibly kissed

  him.

  Lilith looked into the room, making sure she wasn't interrupting before taking Ian's hand and pulling him in behind her. Astutely on his laptop, Justin quickly looked up when he saw the shadow. Pulling the glasses off his face, he glanced at Ian. Their connected hands held his gaze a
second before he studied the look on Lilith's face. The expression she wore clued him in on she'd been crying. Of course his brain jumped to conclusions. She was there to break up with him.

  Hoping it wasn't what he assumed, his tone took on compassion when he asked, "What's wrong, El?"

  When she sat on the bed, Justin quickly put the laptop to the side. Her grip on Ian's hand left Ian with little to no options, unless he was going to yank his grasp from hers. Still holding Ian's hand, she got closer to Justin, her free arm wrapped around his neck for a hug.

  Panic made his heart thump and chest hurt while he hugged her, inhaling the sweet smell of her hair. Lilith's head carefully nestled onto his shoulder before she brought Ian's hand to her lips while Justin still held her.

  It was a painful sight for Ian until he saw her expression. Her eyes were closed and she looked serene compared to when it was just the two of them. He pulled his hand away and the look quickly diminished from her face as her eyes popped open. Not moving her head from Justin's shoulders, her despondent gaze found Ian's face.

  It wasn't only Justin she needed, she needed them both, and the look on her face made Ian believe that. His knuckle softly stroked her cheek, putting her at ease again. All he had to do was shut out she was in Justin's arms.

  JUSTIN grabs the break while she hits the gas

  I don't know why she's here. I have no fucking idea why he's here, but something's wrong. Lifting my head from her shoulder I see she's in my arms with her hand to Jacks's side. This is so twisted but it's what she wants.

  "El, what's wrong?" I ask again and she drops her hand from Jacks and lifts her head from my shoulder.

  Ian clears his throat. He's just as uncomfortable as I am. It's sickly amazing what we're willing to do for her. I wonder how long he'll be able to take it because I'll take it to the end.

  "I'm going to get something to drink," he says; he can't take it anymore and I'm grateful because I'm a little disturbed.

  "You want something?"

  "I'll just share with you." She smiles at him and he smirks. This is a smirk I've given her, a smirk saying 'you're the cutest thing I've ever seen.

  Why'd she have to meet Jacks first? This wouldn't be happening if she

  hadn't.

  "Borg?" he asks me.

  I shake my head no. "Thanks, man. What's going on, Z Princess?" I ask as she stares at our hands.

  "My mom showed up at my house today. My real mom and it was the most surreal experience of my life. I always pictured me crying to her, running to her, telling her I forgive her if she just takes me back as her daughter." The inhale of her shaky breath as tears pool in her eyes has me reaching up and sliding my fingers into her hair. "I was terrible to her." She smirks now. "I told her I'd file a restraining order if she didn't get off my porch. I called her a monster and I told her she killed my dad." There's a mixture of emotions on her face right now as she looks me in the eyes. "I hate her, Justin, and if she died tomorrow I wouldn't care. Does that make me a bad person? I feel badly but then when I remember who she is, I think I'm forcing myself to feel bad."

  "She hurt you, ZP. She turned your world

  upside down. I don't know whether she should be around or not but it's natural for you to hate her. I hate my dry cleaner. We hate a lot."

  When she lets out a laugh I want to kiss her but I don't want Jacks to walk in on that.

  "If you feel she really wronged you then you shouldn't feel badly for not wanting her around. What'd she say?"

  "She kept saying she was sorry and then she called me sweetheart." After a cringe, she huffs. "I slammed the door in her face."

  I want to know why she hates sweetheart. I've seen her punch a man three times her size in the throat for calling her sweetheart.

  "Are you okay with that? Are you okay with shutting her out, El?"

  A smile slowly fills her face and she nods. "I really am. I have all I need in my life." Her fingertips softly touch my mouth and my gaze drops to her puffy pink lips.

  "You have to do what feels right to you. If you still feel empty about your mom maybe you owe it to yourself to sit down with her."

  "I don't feel empty. I actually feel like that door is closed. Literally." She chuckles and I smile.

  I can't wait to get out of this hospital and have her in my bed, in my house, in my fucking car, anywhere but here and I don't mean sex. I mean be with my girlfriend and officially restart this relationship.

  "I just wanted to see you. I needed you both right now." Her wary tone and timid gaze makes me force what I'm hoping is an understanding smile.

  Jacks walks back into the room and takes the chair next to the bed. The guy's trying to act casual but I can see it. He's feeling the same discomfort. It's like we're both battling it because as awkward as this is, there's no where else either of us want to be. I don't know how I can speak for him, but I sense it. And

  the fact I'm holding

  her hand and he's rubbing her knee says enough in its self.

  "I love you both so much," she says and I feel like I could fuckin' die.

  This is not how I pictured my life at all. I actually never pictured it outside of Layna until I divorced her and then I pictured moving woman to woman. I never planned on settling on one woman again but when it comes to El there is no way I can let her go, even if she loves Jacks too.

  My eyes find he's staring at me; we probably both have the same look on our face. It's for her.

  "I love you," I speak first and kiss her forehead.

  "You know I love you," Jacks says and gives her a peck on the lips.

  I don't want to do this right now. I don't want to all bond together. I'm not ready for this.

  LILITH's got the solutions if they're up to trying

  I know this has to be hell for both of them but I need it. I honestly didn't feel better about her showing up until I was with Ian and Justin.

  "I know I'm taking a lot from both of you and it's a lot to ask, but you both mean so much to me. I can't breathe without you." I look at Ian. "And I don't want to breath without you." I look at Justin. "I'm happy right now. This is me happy." My hand that's holding Justin's gives him a squeeze and I rub my other over Ian's.

  They both probably want to kill me but right now I feel like I have a clear head and this is what I need. I wonder who will leave me first. I wonder how long I can be so selfish. God, I hope this doesn't disintegrate.

  "Ian said you go home tomorrow?" I smile at Justin.

  "Yeah, hopefully in the morning."

  Guilt is starting to creep through me because he's so uncomfortable. I can hear it in his voice. I'm going to let his hand go and if he pulls away I'll move from the bed and won't put him through this again.

  Loosening my grip, he lets go to scratch his forehead but before I can move he grabs my hand again.

  "My dad's going to pick me up."

  "I can pick you up, Justin."

  Ian sits back in the chair and opens his pop.

  "I have to go into the office for—"

  "What?" I snicker, not meaning to let what he just said annoy me, but that's insane. "You're getting out of the hospital and going to work?"

  "I have an irritable client. Some old man really pushing for his case to get into action. Ian Jacks, know him? He's a bastard."

  Ian chuckles. "If I didn't hire a slack off lawyer I wouldn't be having these issues. The douche I hired took a month long vacation on me."

  "Vacation." Justin laughs and I smirk at their cute bickering. Even if they

  are trying to hurt each other's feelings it's cute they're playing.

  "I need to get in and relieve my dad a little." He smiles at me.

  "Justin, you need rest."

  "At your old age rest is the best medicine." Ian stands.

  "You've got a few years on me which makes you that much older than her. Cradle robbing, Jacks. I've put guys away for a long time for that shit."

  Ian smirks then leans down and kisses me. "I'm g
onna

  run downstairs. I have to make a call."

  With a doting smile I say, "Thank you," and I mean it. The adorable smile he returns makes me want to feel it on my lips but I won't do that to Justin.

  "Hey, baby." He turns back. "Don't forget we have dinner at my mom's. Come down when you're done."

  I nod and when I look at Justin he smiles at me; it's such a boyish smile but he looks nervous about something.

  "I'm happy you're going home tomorrow." I

  grin at him and the only response I get is a nod. Something's wrong. "B, what's on your mind?"

  JUSTIN's forever trying

  I don't know what to say. It's a fucking tornado of thoughts in my head right now. I want to tell her how much I love her but words can't even articulate. I want to tell her I know we haven't known each other long but I want to die by her side. I want to tell her I'll always be here even if Jacks isn't and if he is, I'll still be here.

  "I'm glad to be going home." I'm fucking stupid, I should have just let it all spill.

  "I want to come stay with you this week." Surprise morphs my expression and she quickly asks, "Is that okay? Is that too much? Am I being too overbearing?" She genuinely looks worried and I can't help but laugh. That's so far from what I'm thinking.

  "No. Not at all, ZP. I'd love if you came to stay with me." I want to kiss her but I really don't want to get turned on then watch her walk out of here. "What about New Year's?"

  "Oh shoot."

  Damn, I shouldn't have reminded her, not that she wouldn't have figured it out. She looks worried now and I don't know what it is that's making her worried. Does she want to be with me or Jacks on that day? Who does she want to bring in the new year with?

  "We'll figure it out," I stupidly say. I should have just told her to stay with me but that wouldn't be fair to put her through that.

  "How late did Rayne stay yesterday?"

  She's jealous and I hate it because she has nothing to be jealous about.

  Rayne Bronson is nowhere near El's level. She's beautiful but nothing like El. She's not really fun, terrible in bed, kind of uptight, but then again she is constantly being watched. Regardless, El has nothing to worry about.

  "Not long," I lie to her and feel bad about it